Boggles the mind when you think about things

I train dominants with idea of what my slave side wants a dominant to be. I have been mindful of this but wonder if it can ever be separated. When in dominant role I am told I am strict, evil and nasty. I do not hold with mistakes and punish at the slightest provocation. This of course is how I feel I need to be treated as a slave.

I enjoy being the centre of attention. SO having some one constantly watching to make sure I am behaving is certainly a big part of my slavery. Could be why one of the few role playing I really get into is teacher student. I enjoy CFmn a great deal is I see it also relates to my need for attention as being the only one naked in a room with every one else dressed does sort of make you a focal point. That old nightmare of being naked in school or at work is a dream not a nightmare for me. In this manner there is no mistaken who is the slave. Humiliation play that I inflict especially with male slaves a way of putting myself further above the slave by it’s degrading nature. Equally, when done to me puts me wishing to be the lowest from of slave I can. Humiliation of my male equipment could be compensation for my small penis. A man well hung would enjoy attention due to size not quite the same kind of attention but it is attention.

All aspects of what I show dominants in training from rimming to feet licking all protocols to cp have to do with what I want as a slave. Humiliation robs me of my mental strength, it strips me of my respect and the bondage, ass play and corporal punishment takes away from my physical side.

Two of my strongest fantasies are to be the victim of a slave revolt where some of my former slaves decide to teach me a lesson by switching roles. All that I had done to them comes back to haunt me as their slave. The other is that the dominants that I have trained find out my desire to slave for them and they, at a gathering break me through the ranks. Stripped and marked as a traitor to the cause forced to slave for the group for the rest of my existence. Various variations of this play regularly through my mind.

Since there is no set way nor rules written in stone for the training of a dominant as there is non for the lifestyle, I am not breaking with protocols. Since I training in Dominant mode it is not topping from the bottom but is it a consensual thing am I forcing my views in the hope gaining what I want not their desires. That I find one dominant that lives up to my standards and surpassed them. Is there a dominant that will wish to step out of my shadow by forcing me into theirs, through my submission to them. Perhaps one of my ex-slaves would enjoy watching my humiliation as their spit washes the respect away they once gave to me.

SO if this is really what I want to be a slave to the perfect dominant in my mind then is it time to put away my dominant toys and guise and choose the side that seems to pervade my thoughts constantly.

Boggles the mind when a switch starts to wonder about choosing sides!

CLoud