Friday, November 28, 2008

Ottawa

Ottawa

I am off with friends to visit the fair city of Ottawa do some shopping and attend a party at Breathless. Lady Kate will be the host for the party. She is a well-established Dominant in the area. I look forward to seeing some old friends, to introduce Agdistis and of course to meet others. If you read my bogs, seen my profiles and are in attendance please say hello. Dominants, slaves does not matter we love to chat and talk.

If you are interested in playing well we can with female or male slaves Agdistis loves to torture the male anatomy and I do have a penchant to doing the to women.

I had hoped to bring bob the male slave I have used in mentoring of Agdistis but he availability does not fit with my needs so he has been released to Agdistis.

There is also a planned trip to a saddle shop, which should be interesting.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Looks like winter out there

Ah the first snowfall I can see slave Sand subs naked in the snow. Is that not exciting! One tied to tree out stretched arms legs wide apart with that lovely glow that winter air caused to slave's skin. A warm pink colour does put me in the spirit. So a lovely look of fear in their eyes as they dart about looking to see if they have been seen. Of course the only ones to have seen them would be reindeer perhaps an elf or two. I guess that is why they are on their best behaviour when they are tied up outside. Of course it could be they are cold but I think their nipples give them away. Nice and erect stretching the limits the skin put on them obviously they are excited and enjoying them selves.

To complete this picture all we need are some snowpersons, snow angels and of course icicles now lets see how do we get icicles to form well I guess some sort of running water Now how are those bladders doing!

CLoud

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Control

(After I reread this I realized how off track I got....sorry)

littleone asked what my definition of control is?

I spent some time thinking about this and it has taken me a long time to try and write it out. I am not sure what I am avoiding but maybe I just don't know exactly what how to define it. I decided to write out what I 'think' I desire and that might help define control for me. It feels weird to write about what I want but I think it will help me.

I really would like for my mate to step up and take the reins. I want him to be 'the head of the household' so to speak. Some people I have met say that I want someone to micromanage me and I don't' see it that way. I would like to have the control step out of the bedroom and into our day to day life. Don't get me wrong I am really enjoying the sexual side of our life.

Side step to last night......
My mate came into the bedroom and told me to take my clothes off, lay on the bed and wait for him to come back and use me. OMG! My clit started to throb right there. I did as I was told and when he came in he really did 'use' me. It really did feel like he was the one in control. In the previous months I had felt that he was going threw the motions to appease me. Over the last month or so I feel that he is the one in control. I am there to serve and please him and that feeling has been amazing. But now I am like a kid in the candy store and I want more and more.

Our pattern lately has been up and down. We will have a great time for about a month and I feel that he is really enjoying things and embracing it and then there will be this step back from him. He will just decide that he doesn't want to take the lead int he bedroom and it throws me for a loop. I don't know what to do. I have been in this submissive space for a while and now he wants to just step out of it. I usually just go with it, but it tends to drag on and on. I feel confused and a bit lost. When I finally have the guts to ask about things he will say oh sorry and then he will flip back, and we will have a month or so like last night.

Go back in time a few months.......
A few months ago my mate told me that maybe I should start looking for a Dom online again because he wasn't up for the challenge. We spent a long time talking and trying to figure things out. One of things I love most about my marriage is that we have pretty good communication...not the best but good. I figured I would wait for a bit and see if that was how he was really feeling. I asked Sir Micheal to talk to him. This is the beginning of the up and down of things. It's frustrating for both of us. I figure that looking online for a Dom might be a good idea.

As I write this I am thinking that maybe I just need more consistency. When my mate is taking control things feel right or in place for me and then we hit a bump and it all goes to hell. I guess little one I am searching for more constancy in the control. I want to be allowed or granted the the right to be submissive and have it last more than a month. I do also want the level of sexual control to reach outside the bedroom but I think consistency is the first step.

Honestly I don't know what to do from here. I am honest about what I want and how I feel. I am honest about who I am and what I desire. I feel I do all the right things but it doesn't play out. am I asking too much? Am I expecting to much? I am open to hearing how others opinions because I know I am doing something wrong??

~fledgeling~

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Feeling Lost

K wrote from - http://notquiteplanned.blogspot.com/ "So I've been rebuilding, from the ground up, to learn how to identify myself through only myself. Because if I can't do that, then I'm not ready to move on and I'm certainly not ready to belong to someone else because as long as I'm still clinging to that bit of identity I had in that relationship I am still owned in part - even if I've been released."

This quote from k's blog really made me think. Ever since i was released from Cloud i still think of what He would have me do or how He would help guide me threw a situation. i think about His thoughts more than Sir Micheal. Even to this day i still look to Cloud for advice. i value and trust His opinion. Does that mean i haven't truly left? Then i read in a comment by Cloud this afternoon: "as far as taking you back from what you write I do not think you really ever left"

When i first meet Cloud online i knew within a few emails that i could trust Him. i tend to really trust my intuition and i am usually right. (Not to pat myself on the back or anything it's just something i trust in myself) Even with this recent Dom i met online i looked to Cloud to help me. Deep down i knew this Dom wasn't right for me but i still looked to Him for advice. i wonder why?

i am SOOOOOOO longing for a Dom in my life right now. i feel i need the control more now than ever. i have felt this burning desire inside me for so long. It is like i am half way there but never get all the way. UGH!!!!!

i need the control. i want the control. It's not just sexual. i desire the day to day control. i desire to get my mind refocused on my submission. That is something i find i struggle with on my own. i try to focus my submission when i am with Sir Micheal or my mate, but there is always this sense of something missing. It's like i am surrounded by people who love and care for me but just can't give me all i desire. Am i being selfish or do i just know what i want?

i feel at a crossroads of sorts. It's like i could try and move forward with my submission or i could just push it back down and move on as things are now. i have been on my own for quite some time now and i am starting to feel lost again. i felt so focused and on track when i was released from Cloud......now i feel like i am floating out into oblivion.

well those are the thoughts running around in my head. Maybe i am over thinking things? Maybe i am desiring to much? Maybe i am being to picky?

Until next time
~fledgeling~

Did they change the formula

A nice set of balls already to be torture a dash of absorbine junior and and nothing a mild warming perhaps. Did testicles toughen up so much .

A535 deep heat cream. and here is how I do it. A nice close shave of just the balls and if need be the penis. Make sure the slave has let it grow for at least a week. then apply nice warm towels to help the balls relax. When nice and far out of the body apply the cream to the balls and if you are really nasty the penis also. Now I usually tie their hands to the rafters I let their feet free to entertain us with a little dance. Then sit back and enjoy the show the real burn comes in a few minutes and last for a long time. The shaving allows the cream to touch almost new skin. The best thing is when it all dies down and the slave is taken down suggest a shower and wait for the first drops of water to hit those testicles you most likely to hear some singing in the shower. SO you now have turned you slave into a song and dance slave with just a little cream and little effort on your part.

Oh make sure yo are playing with a pain slut

CLoud

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Finding the in-between

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Monday, November 10, 2008

Communications.

Communications.

First these are how I work if you do not know yet there is no book of rules so this is how I do it and why.

I like to talk to a person on the other end of the line that enjoys many of the things I do. I am polite and honest with them and expect the same in return. I want to see quiet manners and respect. I do not like it when some one calls me Master in the first email. I have chosen the handle or name of Cloud for that reason. If some one calls me master in the first email I guess then they have given themselves to me already and there is no need to talk about hard limits or likes and dislikes.

SO to start with a slave should be able to express herself as to what they like or what they are looking for. They should be able to ask at least twenty questions of me. Should they not be able to then they have not really thought the slave idea through well enough for me.

Rules to follow:


1. Be honest
2. Be on time
3. Call me Cloud unless you are giving yourself to me then and there.
4. Answer my questions with answers not just more questions
5. Be polite
6. Know what my profile says
7. Know what about me is of interest to you.

Easy rules I feel not many and simple to understand. I like slaves that are intelligent and strong they are my first choice and as their spirit lessend so do they drop a bit on my list.

CLoud

Monday, November 3, 2008

Old School Ways ... He Teaches Me Well, My Mentor

A little to the left He says …..Keep your wrist locked …It’s all in the focus of the stroke, as He continues.

‘Whack’ ….. Whack, Whack …..

Hmmmm, as the sound of it echoes thru My basement walls, resonating as a sweet pounding rhythm to My ears, combined with the shiver, and mild jolt of the slaves torso trying in vain to escape My inflicting pain.

Yes, I am beginning to understand the sweetness of it all.

Since the beginning, My initiation as a Domme is unfolding in such a delicious way.

‘What is it that ‘You’ want Agdistis? As My Mentor poses the question to Me. Yes, quite, what is it that any of Us/us want in this lifestyle? Be Domme, or slave?

Does it even matter?

As long as We/we ‘feel’ something. Be it pain or pleasure, or both.

But what is it that ‘I’ want? I know this…:
  • To be filled to capacity. Where the sensations are intoxicating.
  • To know that the slaves I accept come to Me willingly and seek no substitutes.
  • A slave who is as fearless as I am in their natural state and who knows whom they are.

I want, I yearn, I need, I ache ….

Can a slave ‘really’ full-fill this Domme? Do they have the capacity to even understand the level of responsibility She would carry for them?

So now, I will follow and embrace the teachings of the ‘old school ways.’ As this ‘rite of passage’ is being given to Me as a gift. To utilize and measure both My ability in the simple tortures of a slave, to the responsibility of providing guidance, care and protection.

As well, because I know it will deliver Me what I seek …


- Agdistis