In response to "Thoughts"

Master CLoud, you have stirred up so many ideas in response to your thoughts.

I was raised by my grandparents. Thus, I was, and am still, often more at home in GK Chesterton's England than in Canada of today.

In "The Scarlet Pimpernel", when Margueurite says to Sir Percy, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Sir Percy!" he replies, slowly, carefully, never taking his eyes off her, "This beholder... is enchanted." And I could faint with joy and arousal! I too wish that conversation could be slower, more thoughtful.

I love letters - though I am as guilty as any these days of using email instead, or of telephoning... I wouldn't want to be without these modern conveniences - and perhaps there lies the truth we have lost in this day and age - that they are conveniences.

It is decidedly more convenient to call or email than to write a letter. Finding adequate paper for instance, rather than a stack of post-it notes. And a pen that works, never mind one which enhances penmanship or is a pleasure to hold in the hand. And lord help us when we have to find stamps! It can take months for a letter to finally leave my home!

But I remember my grandparents opening their letters. In the rush to share the news, they would read it aloud to each other first. Then they would each take turns reading it silently, passing it back and forth, reading each other small excerpts, commenting... A long letter could take an entire day to be thus read fully. It sparked conversation for months. And when I do finally take pen to paper these days, I can picture the receiver's reactions... Hear them read it aloud to their spouse, hear the laughter and the conversation it will spark. Yet, sadly, I do not write letters often enough.

Yes, convenience does seem to have become a way of life for us, even in the lifestyle.

This weekend began for me when my Lord arrived to visit with me. He had given me verbal instructions over a bad cell phone connection earlier in the day: I was to be ready for him, naked and waiting in the living room, with candles lit. He was going to give me a warning call when he left his home (yes, he is a generous Lord!).

As an addicted procrastinator, these instructions immediately sent my stomach to a black hole: the apartment wasn't clean enough, I hadn't picked up all the groceries I'd need yet, I had to prepare my body for him, and worse - I wasn't AT home, I was out! My heart was thumping for two hours, dreading that phone call! I made it - with Lady Luck on my side.

I was determined not to be frazzled and panicked when my Lord arrived, so I took a deep breath when I got home and thought carefully about in what order to do the necessary work. First I prepared the living room, set out the candles, then did a quick cleaning of the other rooms, then prepared myself...

When at last I knew the stage was set, I stopped working and began sipping water, deciding to sit quietly, to that when he arrived I would be rested and hydrated. The call came, I lit the candles, and stayed rested and focused till I heard his key turn in the upstairs lock, and which point I knelt, ready for examination.

It was AGONY waiting for him to come in. He is a meticulous man, and he placed all his weekend gear methodically before approaching me. We do not usually begin our time together with a session, this was a first for me in this relationship. He walked silently around me, checking to be sure I was completely naked. I had thought of this and remembered to remove earrings and jewellery.

It felt so MENACING! I hadn't ever before been afraid I would make a mistake, but through the whole session I was on my proverbial toes!

I talk about this session in response to your comments about "peacock doms". My Lord is no peacock. In fact, we laugh about how "vanilla" both of us appear to other members of the bdsm community, and to the polyamorous community. My Lord feels that sometimes these lifestylers don't take him seriously precisely because he doesn't display his leanings. He looks the part of the well-dressed businessman.

And while I am perhaps a bit too free and easy in what information I share, and I try to look attractive, I am quite modest in what I keep covered when out in the world. Most women show more leg and more cleavage than I do and they seem quite comfortable with it. Sure, I'm also an exhibitionist - but not in the vanilla landscape.

As a point of interest, my Lord told me after our session that he came very close to giving me a serious test to pass. He had stood at the doorway and considered ringing my doorbell, if need be, several times.

I would have failed the test. He had ordered me to wait - in the living room. Had I gone and opened the door, he would not have been pleased. I am very thankful that he decided to take a smaller step with me that day!

My Lord is a very careful, deliberate man, something I adore in him. While I am not his slave, I find I yearn to be just that. Perhaps one day I will be ready.

As you know, I am still very young and have much to learn. As you also know, I don't give my consent to much in the vanilla world and hold very strong opinions on a number of topics! But I do feel that I have now met a man who it would be possible for me to obey.

And that's a BIG step.